What's so GOOD about it?

It's holy week.
Holy moly.

"Be ye holy, as I am holy."
Fail. Not so much.

"I never wanna be so ho-ly that you don't wanna know me."
That's a line from a song I never finished. I've got stack upon stacks of them.

As much as I love God, I desperately cling to Jesus....and I've never wanted to come across with a holier than thou attitude.

I tend to worry more about how I come across to the holy people.
You know, the "at least I didn't do that!" ones.... :)

I will precede the next story by saying that I love the church I've been attending. They have supported me and strengthened me and kept me lifted up in a new land every week and I am grateful.

A few weeks ago, I attended an informational class about participating in short term mission trips.
India is always strumming my heart strings and the holy spirit was all over me as I was forced to hold back tears during my, "don't blink, don't blink"...self-talk.

But then I received the 20 page informational packet. Wow.
"Excuse me but...is the No Judgement Waiver attached?"
They laughed....though I was dead serious.
"Here, grace is a given," I think they responded.

I'm not sure because I was already wondering just how honest you can be, and still have grace apply regarding certain things.

"Legal and Lifestyle Concerns"
Oh crap.
Have you ever____________?
Yep.
Have you ever____________?
Check. Check.

With all due respect I understand their responsibility to staff a trip with healthy and nurturing relationships.
It also says that answering, "Yes," to any of the questions does not automatically disqualify you from volunteering in ministry.
Whew!

But then the other night as I was sitting in a booth at IHOP, thank you Michelle for keeping my coffee cup full, and I had some time to complete my packet.
Enthusiastically and truthfully, I started checking boxes and rendering my answers until I read the following. I was brought immediately to a screeching halt.

I guess I may not be going to India after all.

Social Networking Sites
Will you rerfrain from posting anything to your personal blog, Facebook, My Space, or any other personal website that could damage the reputation of the church or your ministry?

First of all, does anyone even use My Space anymore?
And secondly, I need a definition of damaging.

Now, admittedly, I have said that Max is like the Mr. Rogers for Jesus.....but I meant it in a good way! He's very calming and fatherly.
That's all.

And there was that comment about the Benny Hinn thing....
Suddenly, I thought of all the creative material I've been stockpiling that I may not be able to use if I check the YES box.
Oh NO!!!

Like how the communion wafers remind me of Chiclets gum. I can't help but smirk every time they pass them.
I'm used to big chunks of real homemade bread!

I remember the first time I saw the overfilled bowl of opaque looking miniature squares.
This? This is the body of Christ?
Really? What...like his little toe?

Last weekend was Palm Sunday and I inadvertantly ended up with several.
My palm wasn't quite filled, but still...I grabbed more than one accidently.

Then my guilty conscience kicked in and convinced me it was probably no accident at all, but a much needed reminder of how I've probably damaged my reputuation and am not in fact a good Christian girl but a weak willed wanna-be who also while I'm confessing commented how "hot" the Jesus was in The Bible series.

Holy Smokes Batman.
Yes, I caved.

One of my very most favortie stories in the bible is the one where Jesus met the woman at the well.
She did not have a great reputation from what I can tell either.
But Jesus confronted and sassed her..and then she RAN back to town to tell everyone to come and meet the man who told her everything she'd ever done!

That's the Jesus I know and love.
The one who can call you out and pour out....love...all in the same breathe.
So, so, mercifully that all you want to to do is tell everyone else, "Please, please come and meet him."

I struggled with having such a great day on this not so good Friday, knowing that it is a day I should probably be in mourning.
I tend to celebrate with extreme joy and gratefulness for the resurrection and the new life that I know is coming.

But all day, throughout the day, my heart and my mind led me back to the disciples.
How totally distraught they must have been to watch as the man that they followed and worshipped and loved...the man they watched perform miracle after miracle..the man they walked with for years, hung on a cross and suffered so, so much.

They had to have been confused. They had to have had an "are you kidding me...this is how this is going down? For real? " kind of moment.
The immense sadness that they must have felt gives me chills from head to toe.
It didn't make sense.
I can feel the shame that Peter must have felt as it all fell apart. No, I won't deny you.
Oh, yes I did. Not once...three times.
Immeasureable guilt and shame.

I can't begin to imagine the overwhelming grief they must have felt.
We're the lucky ones. The ones who have the advantage of knowing it's all going to end up good.
Great even.
We know that come Sunday, He is Risen!!!
But they didn't have the advantage of knowing what was to come.
They just saw death.

I have felt kicked and beat down, used and abused....damaged beyond repair at points in my life.
I have been betrayed and I have betrayed.
And I have been humbled and sorrowed by what he did on the cross for me.
In all of my selfishness and sin, he still gave his life, so that I could live.

He is restoring me to wholeness.
He is my redeemer. My strongtower. My Abba father. My daddy.
My damage control plan.

Please, please....come just as you are.
and meet Him for yourself.
Happy Easter.

Luke 23:32