The Ugly Truth

I'm on a new writing deadline right now. It's two weeks away and I can't get anything done except contemplate going on a stinking killing spree because NOTHING on my computer is working right and it's taking me about 10 seconds to type every character.

Patience is NOT the prettiest fruit in my spiritual fruit bowl.
Either is self-control. That can indeed be a very deadly combination.

Have you ever had that feeling where you want to pick up your PC and throw it through the window?
That's pretty much where I am right now.
And I know it's not pretty.
An unnamed family member threw a mailbox through someone's front window once, with very good reason, I might add...But, this is about my ugly truth and not theirs. :)

I'm working on discretion, as well as patience and self-control.
I have a tendency to want to tell it all....and yes, even throw objects, or people, through the window.
I've been advised repeatedly to keep my mouth shut, "There are some things you just take to your grave."

But I can't. It's just not how I roll.
Several years ago, I was on the 700 Club sharing my tawdry testimony to, I don't even know how many people, much to my family's shame and horror, I'm aware.

I'm sorry for them for having to be embarrassed by my poor decisions and jacked-up-edness, but I can't....
not....tell the stories.
There is no condemnation in Christ. And most of them have amazing endings. Seriously!

I'm forgiven.

I truly believe with all of my heart that I have been through things that may benefit other people in their lives.
847 people called in and committed to Christ after hearing that testimony. Can you imagine?
847 people! I am still floored by that!

Some even went so far as to find me and thank me via email and telephone for my, of all things....bravery.
On this Memorial Day, I am awed by how brave men and women can be.

But, I do understand brokenness.

Most recently, I missed the Women of Faith writing contest deadline and so, I'm now entering another, through Westbow Press for the Munce Group. The final deadline is June 15. And I'm freaking out.

I had intended to have my entry completed by the time Pig's Big Adventure came out, but...that was last Friday. And the garden needs weeded & picked, the peaches are still dropping and rotting & the house is a mess....

The real problem is, I can't get out of my head the editorial standards.
Some days, I barely have standards.

Here is a brief blurb taken from Philipians, on what they require:


"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."


Here is the ugly truth.
I have many things to write about and stories to tell that are not so pure, not so lovely and are certainly not of good report.

And I'm not brave, I'm afraid.
Not so much of what people will say, but that the story is just too gory. Too over-the-top.
I'm afraid it will hinder my reputation, not help it. (and now I'm laughing at how ridiculous that will read to anyone who knows me at all) :P

Lately, I have been deep in the process of reinventing myself as a writer and the woman I want to be. I've been reading and listening A LOT to some really amazing people like Andy Andrews, Michael Hyatt and just today, (in between the computer crashes) Jeff Goins.

Thank God for amazing leaders!
I've been telling my friend Kim during our workouts, that I am ready. "I just need someone to tell me what to do, how to do it, and I'll do it. I need a specific plan on How To Get from Point A to Point B."

Point B being the undisclosed vision that I believe God has given me for my life.
It's undisclosed because it's laughable, and although I consider myself a funny girl, I am not prepared at this moment, while suffering with some seriously nasty PMS, to face more rejection. I'm a big enough cry baby as it is.

Perhaps later, when I'm more prayed up?

But, I read Jeff's blog called, "Why You Should Tell the Ugly Parts of Your Story."
And it encouraged me incredibly!

I want to be an authentic person.
I want to be honest.
This path has not always been pretty. And it has mostly been my own fault.
But...I am absolutely blown away by the work that God has done in me, and the massive amount of perseverance that he has given me to just keep getting up...day after day...and press on.

Just for the record, I would not actually go on a killing spree.
In general, I am the kind of person who frees bugs to the great outdoors when found inside.
Except flies. I hate flies and will unleash on them without reservation. Them, and a certain daughter who infuriates me.
Also, I'm trying to promote a picture book, and killing sprees are probably frowned upon when it comes to marketing for children.

The ugly truth is, I've decided to just write it and pray that the ashes turn into beauty.

'Cause I feel pretty, oh so pretty...I feel pretty and witty and...

And to God be the glory, of my very ugly story.