Happy Fun Girl: I'm Gonna need to see some Proof.

Happy Fun Girl: I'm Gonna need to see some Proof.: One is the loneliest number? I'm pretty sure it's 23. That's how many books I found out I've sold in three months. "I'm sorry. Did I mi...

I'm Gonna need to see some Proof.

One is the loneliest number?
I'm pretty sure it's 23.

That's how many books I found out I've sold in three months.

"I'm sorry. Did I misunderstand? Did you say 53?"
Lame as even that would be.
"No, 23."

Wow.
I'm pretty sure more than 23 people told me they bought the book.
So, if you, faithful readers and friends could please just scan and email me your Proof of Purchase, that would be awesome!! :)

It's not that I don't trust you.
I just might need to see some proof.

Perhaps something about 40 proof at this point?
Just kidding.

I am excited that this Labor Day weekend I have my first reading/book signing at Barnes and Noble, La Cantera location here in San Antonio.
It's Saturday the 1st at 12:30 if you're not barbecuing with family.

Bring your proof of purchase, or just buy a copy there!
I will be reading, "Pig's Big Adventure" followed by a quick craft and then I'll be signing books after that.
I looooove crafts!!!
How fun is that?

Big kudos to Barnes and Noble for buying extra books and putting it all together for me!
I appreciate that so much and it truly is the one store I could spend all day in just relaxing and reading.

Several years ago, my friend Sheryl and I went to Chicago on a girl trip and she set out on a mindful mission to find the perfect pair of Levi's while I sat in total, comforting bliss at B&N, watching the snow fall, my hands securely holding a hot mocha latte and a book by Mitch Albom, "The Five People you Meet in Heaven."

Every few hours she would come back and see if I was really okay or wanted to go shop with her.
"I'm soooo good," I replied.
"There is no place I would rather be right now than here."

I just walk in that amazing store and want to open every book, insert nose and irreverently inhale deeply like Mary Katherine Gallagher does on a nervous armpit rampage!

I love the smell of books almost as much as the smell of fresh made bread.
Speaking of bread, I've made $9.40 on my beloved children's story.

Good thing I've said all along, "It's not about the money. I just want people to enjoy the story."
Mmmhh?
It's not about the money??
Truly. Money isn't everything.

The greatest gift I ever received was given freely to me.
And I'm not talking about the dead animal teeth Galen.

Indeed, a price was paid.

I was bought with a price and Jesus is my proof of purchase.

He's the receipt I'm handing over to the big Customer Service Center in the Sky.

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing in an endless line at the counter waiting for it to be my turn.

I can hardly contain myself from just wanting to overzealously keep hitting the silver button on the bell ringer thingy.

Sure I start off patient and polite, with just a one finger, "Ding."

No response.

A little more loudly, but still ever so dainty, "Ding, ding..." 

Nothing.

More muscle behind the pointer this time, "Ding, Ding, Ding...."

Seriously?

Then in a moment's rush, you just full on palm slam the entire ringer....

"DING!!! DING DING!!!!!"

"Hellloooooo!!!! I'm standing here!! Waiting!!!!! Yoo-Hoo!!! Can I get a little service here please??"

Not saying it's right, I'm just sayin.'

My patience runs out quick sometimes.

I feel like I have been patient considering all things.

Thank God, Jesus is my proof of purchase, not my perfection, but only his.

My product really is blemished.

Actually, the picture is blurry.

I was believing for better.

But where is the proof?
That's what faith is all about.
"It is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
We have to keep believing, even when we have no proof.

I'm also going to look in the pudding......just in case it really is there.

Happy Fun Girl: Was that the Recess Bell?

Happy Fun Girl: Was that the Recess Bell?: Whatever happened to recess? That's a question I ask myself often as an adult. Today is the first day of Back to School and as I've drive...

Was that the Recess Bell?

Whatever happened to recess?
That's a question I ask myself often as an adult.

Today is the first day of Back to School and as I've driven past many school playgrounds lately, trying to familiarize myself with all of the new neighborhoods, I'm saddened by the apparent loss of one of my most favorite childhood recreational fixtures.

The seesaw.

Whatever happened to the seesaw?

I suppose due to safety mom precautions and numerous law suits they have had to be dismantled.
But I still loved them.
That wonderful feeling of gliding nearly effortlessly, up and down, up and down.

Over time, we became brave enough to ride with no hands, no feet, backwards or even semi-standing.
Seesaw surfing I think it was called.

Anything we need to know about life, we can learn from the seesaw.

For example, be careful who you trust.
Haven't we all gotten on, with a sibling or a "friend", who suddenly and unexpectedly jumped off just when you were enjoying that wonderful, glorious moment in the sky?

Up in the air, smiling and laughing only to suddenly be plummeted to the earth with an unexpected crash to the ground.

It takes your breathe away.
Literally.

Of course, you are always hesitant to ride it again with that same friend for fear of not knowing if they will jump off again and leave you dusting off your new red shorts and plucking gravel out of your backside.

As I've been thinking about the seesaw this past weekend, God has been reminding me of something important.

We have to stay balanced.
Too much of anything is not a good thing, even if it is "The Best Chocolate Chip Cookie" recipe in the whole world.

But also, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

We are given instructions to work six days and rest on the seventh.
Summer slacking aside, of course.

Spiritually, emotionally and physically, balance is important.

I can tell when I'm tired because I start to get a very short fuse, or yes, even cry over ketchup on my Big Mac.

There is a lot going on right now with many of us.
Natalie and I have completely changed our lives in the last month.... and not in a 'summer lovin' had me a blast' kind of way.

But everything is new.

And with back to school, comes the welcome routine and a fresh start.
A chance to better organize my day and practice better time management.

So, I pull out my new organizer and start to schedule the day.

I try to figure out how and when I am going to get my God time in, (though he's forced to listen to me ramble on and on all day long) make breakfast for Natalie, walk the dogs, get to the gym, avoid a massive traffic jam, put in a full days work, get back on track with my writing, pay bills, prepare for an important speaking event this week and um, perhaps breathe somewhere in between.

I'd also like to squeeze in learning to speak Spanish and play guitar better.

My lazy couch time is really going to suffer if I plan to live a purpose filled and new, more balanced life.

One of my favorite Go To books in the bible is the book of Proverbs.
Everything you really need to know is actually there, and not on the seesaw.
If you're like me....it too will leave you picking gravel out of your backside.

I do that a lot.

I can also get really out of balance if I think too much or try to figure things out that only God knows the answers to.

This morning, I stumbled upon Proverbs 3, "The Message" version which really just tells it like it is in language that I can clearly understand. Sometimes it will go so far as to say, "Are you stupid?" :)

"Dear friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life; don't for a minute lose sight of them. They will keep your soul alive and well, they'll keep you fit and attractive. (does this mean I can skip the gym?) You'll travel safely, you'll neither tire nor trip. You'll take afternoon naps without a worry, you'll enjoy a good night's sleep. No need to panic over alarms or surprises, or predictions that doomsday's just around the corner, because God will be right there with you; he'll keep you safe and sound."

I guess this means, contrary to my crybabyness lately, God is actually NOT going to jump off the seesaw of my life and I can just enjoy the ride...hands free!!! 

Happy Fun Girl: Sylvester Stallone I am not.

Happy Fun Girl: Sylvester Stallone I am not.: There was a funny thing I saw on Facebook today. It was a list of fun things to do if you wanted to add some excitement to your daily routi...

Sylvester Stallone I am not.

There was a funny thing I saw on Facebook today.
It was a list of fun things to do if you wanted to add some excitement to your daily routine.

Things like, "go into Lowe's with a bucket of Lego's and ask the manager if he wants to "build something together."

Or run into a grocery store and ask what year it is.
When someone replies 2012, you then run around like a madman yelling, "It worked! It worked!"

Get it? Like a time machine?
That's funny because my daughter has been trying to explain to me why we can't DVR in "real time."

"You can't go forward in time...Seriously, come on mom, you're not that stupid."
I beg to differ.

The suggestion that got me laughing out loud was to follow joggers around in your car blaring "Eye of the Tiger."
I'm not sure why I find that so amusing.
I suppose because I can picture it in my head and I can see the look on their faces....that's hysterical!

And yet very motivational at the same time.

"Rising up to the challenge of our rivals...and the last known survivor...."

When I think about Eye of the Tiger, I think about boxing.
Which also reminds me of a "game" we used to play when I was a kid.

You know when someone grabs your arm forcefully and starts hitting you in the face with your own hand?
"What are you hitting yourself for? Huh? Whatcha hitting yourself for?

That's pretty much what I feel like doing when I screw up.
It's a milder version of Fletcher kicking his own butt in "Liar, Liar".

I tend to want to just beat myself up.
Today I woke with Romans 3 in my head, so I looked it up....Praying that it wouldn't be the "woe to you ya wicked sinner" verse.

Oh Thank God!
It is where Paul is talking about how God is faithful, even when we are not.
"No one is righteous...not even one."

He is right, when we are wrong.

"But God has shown us a way to be made right with him without keeping the requirements of the law....we are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are..."

Does it mean we quit wanting to come up higher? No.
At first I typed "trying" to come up higher.

I don't know about you, but the harder I try, the harder it gets.
So I just have to give it up and turn it over to the one who is really able.

Do we stop wanting to live a life that more glorifies God?
I don't. I want to do that every day.
But I fail. A lot.

But still, God promises to continue the good work that he started in us...even if it takes a really, really, really long time.

In boxing, if the referee counts to 10 and the boxer is still down, the fight is over.
But Jesus steps in and stalls the count.
God is not standing there anxiously waiting to get to 10 and see us lose in a final knock out round.

Thank God!

I don't have to keep smacking myself in the face.
I don't have to throw on a burlap sack and sprinkle ashes all over my body walking around for days like the coming of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Downcast and outcast.

Conviction and condemnation are two totally different things.
The holy spirit convicts us when something is off.

If you're seeking and sensitive to God's leading, you can't get away with jack.
It makes you uncomfortable.

"Geez Louise!!" I say while trying to hide and sneak a smoke.

"Can you just go sit on someone else's balcony for a few minutes?"

"I will never leave or forsake you," is the loving whisper I  hear back.

Alrighty then!

I will accept the conviction...but not the condemnation that makes me feel like I should be spending the rest of the day giving myself a toilet swirly.

When my day in court arrives and I appear before the judge, I will totally be saying..."I'm a madman your honor.....a desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope."

Happy Fun Girl: Fighting on the High Seas with Wenches & the 5 P's...

Happy Fun Girl: Fighting on the High Seas with Wenches & the 5 P's...: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO....P! Growing up, my little brother would recite the alphabet starting at the top of his head, moving his pointer finger do...

Fighting on the High Seas with Wenches & the 5 P's

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO....P!
Growing up, my little brother would recite the alphabet starting at the top of his head, moving his pointer finger downward on his body, ending with roaring laughter when he came to "P" as he landed on his, well, I'm sure you get the picture.

Personally, I thought it was stupid.
Bathroom humor.
There was always plenty of that going on around my house.

One of the jokes I always found most funny, because I'm a reader, was the fake book titles.

Do you remember those?
"Behind the Bleachers," by Seymore Butts.
"Sliding down the Flag Pole," by Dick Burns.

And my absolute all-time favorite,
"Yellow River," by I.P. Freeley.

I'm sorry.
I still think that's stinkin' hysterical.
Childish and immature, I'm aware.

A friend once told me about the 5 P's.
Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance.
And I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
It was probably originally said by some motivational guru who's now making a trainload of money from properly planning.

While I sit here, giggling out loud about I.P. Freeley and Seymore Butts.

Mmmh....The 5 P's.
Recently, I was re-reading the story about the 10 virgins from Matthew 25.
5 were foolish, 5 were wise.

It's the story about a bunch of girls who were waiting on the bridegroom to come. 5 of them were prepared and had oil in their lamps as well as some extra stored in jars, the other 5 did not.

The 5 unprepared, told the 5 who were prepared to give them some of theirs.
Basically, they replied, "No, go get your own."
(If I were Political, there's Probably a Principle I could go off on here.)

Anyway, while the women were out getting more oil for their lamps, they missed the midnight coming of the bridegroom.
The banquet doors were closed and they could not get in.

This has always baffled me a bit because I've wondered why they wouldn't share.
We are clearly called to meet the needs of others.

I read further under the study notes and found out that this was a parable that really wasn't about oil at all.
It was a story about our own individual spiritual states.
"Spiritual preparation cannot be bought or borrowed," it says in the footnotes.
Each of us must privately prepare.
We do not know the time that the bridegroom may come and we must ready ourselves at all times.

Since I've been thinking so much lately about being prepared, I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to implement the 5 P's in a state of emergency this past weekend.

While out on a giant fishing boat, we suddenly heard an announcement over the intercom that the Coast Guard had issued an SOS.
They were asking that any boats in the area were needed immediately to offer assistance to a downed vessel nearby.

So, as we headed to the bow, I quickly realized that this was in fact, not the case.
We were about to be attacked by an approaching Pirate Ship!!
The crew showed us a tub of super soakers for our personal protection and I proceeded to load up not one, but almost the entire barrel where they would all be within reach.

Then, as the Pirate Ship came closer and began shooting at us, I quickly leaned over, grabbed the ammo I had been stockpiling and put several shooters under my arms at once.

I probably had 7 guns stashed, so when one ran out, another was ready to go and very easily accessible.

Through proper planning and preparation, I was able to perform quite well for a common wench against a band of pirates and scalawags.

So, I took a bow.
On the bow.

On days when I'm not sentencing myself to walk the plank, I prepare for my day by reading some devotions, a story or some verses, then prayers of thanksgiving and praise!
Followed of course by my, Things to Do for Tina list that I offer up as well.

Ya have not 'cause ya ask not, right?!
I need to be prepared.
I never usually see the cannon ball coming at me until it's too late.

And since I can't be trusted with large knives, I rely on the sword of the spirit to get me through each day.

Some days I win, some days I don't.
But before I go to bed at night, I read.
Just to relax and prepare myself for what may come.

Right now, I am reading a book by Ken Davis called "Fully Alive".
That's pretty much how one feels when battling on the high seas against One Eyed Willy and his crew.

I'm also reading one that keeps me preparing, day after day.
It helps me stay strong, even when I feel like sharks are swimming circles around me.
The title is, "Treasured Possession," by I.M. Redeemed.

Happy Fun Girl: The Big Mac Attack!!

Happy Fun Girl: The Big Mac Attack!!: My daughter thought I should title this blog, "My Mom is Ridiculous." And she's probably right. Most people know I'm a big cry baby. ...

The Big Mac Attack!!

My daughter thought I should title this blog, "My Mom is Ridiculous."

And she's probably right.

Most people know I'm a big cry baby.

I just don't usually bawl over Big Macs.

Until today.

"There's a McDonald's up ahead," I say on our drive back from the coast.

"Yuk!" replied Natalie, "OH! But there's a Subway!"

I whine in response, "But I want a Big Mac!"

I give in because, well, she'd just been telling me about her cousin who got up and told the whole family that he couldn't get any sleep because she kept kicking him and twisting his nipples all night.

"I did NOT twist his nipples. He spins total lies just to be funny!!! I hate that!"

God I love my family.

:)

"Okay, fine. I'll take you to Subway. Then I'll go across the road to McDonald's and get my Big Mac."

I'm so happy that she's being so nutritionally aware.....and then she comes out with a Footlong Meatball Marinara.

Excellent choice.

We head over and see that there are about 50 cars in line at McDonald's.

I'm anxious to get going, so I drive on, irritated that she didn't bother to offer me a bite even after I told her I was starving.

"Okay, well I'm not world hunger starving, but I'm hungry."

"There's a Burger King 10 miles ahead," she informs me.

"I don't want a Whopper. I want a Big Mac."

"You'll regret it."

I remind her that I am usually always regretting some dumb thing I do as I drive on some more until I see the beautiful golden arches.

(insert angelic Hallelujah chorus here)

I gas up and pull into the drive-thru when Natalie says, "I'll take a strawberry milkshake." 

Strawberries are fruit..right?

Okay, fine.

So I order a medium, because...I'm going to want some and she's not very "shary", with her food or her feelings lately.

She's almost 15.

Retrieving my sack lunch and then maneuvering my way up I37, I tell her she's going to have to prepare my food.

There's heavy traffic and I'm driving a car I'm not used to.

It's my other daughter's totally banged up car with a very distracting zebra steering wheel cover.

I kept wanting to tell people all weekend, "It's not my car."

I would not have zebra print seat covers and Hawaiian lays hanging from the rear view mirror. 

But....I'm grateful for the gas savings as it somehow went up to $3.69 a gallon right before our annual Port Aransas Extravaganza.

Anyway, back to the Big Mac debacle...

"I just need you to open it up and pour a puddle of ketchup in the lid and dump the fries in, so I can eat and drive at the same time."

I'm trying not to text and drive these days but eating, well...at this point it's about survival.

I was about to eat my elbow.

But, she's ignoring me, apparently engrossed in the swirling and mixing of the whipped cream in the top of her shake.

"Hello?!??!! You've already eaten 6" of food and I'm staaaaarving!!!"

"Oh, yeah."

A few more miles pass before I finally look over and see red stuff oozing out from under the top bun.

"OH MY GOSH!! Did you just put ketchup on my Big Mac?"

I didn't give time for a response to that question before I went into full on....ticked off mode.

"SEriously??? You put ketchup on my Big Mac? Who does that? Why would you do that? Ketchup doesn't go on a Big Mac!"

"It's a burger. You always eat ketchup on your burgers."

Can anyone even imagine my utter horror?

"It's a Big Mac for God's sake! It's two all beef patties, SPECIAL SAUCE, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun!!! There's no frickin' ketchup! That's why they have the Special Sauce!"

She just stared at me like I was making a big deal out of nothing.

And then I started to cry.

"Oh my gosh! You're going to cry over a sandwich?"

"It was a $6.00 sandwich!!"

"It was a combo meal," she says back to me, "with large fries."

"I only eat about two Big Macs a year and now that one is ruined! That's just great."

"I thought you were starving? There really are children starving all over the world ya know. They would be more than happy to eat a ketchup infested Big Mac."

Ugh.

I hate it when she throws my own words up in my face.

But seriously.

I may throw up in my mouth a little if I have to eat it like that.

There are some things that just don't go together!

Ya know? Am I right? Can you imagine?

So she makes a lame attempt to scrape the ketchup off with one of the less soggy french fries and shoves the box up next to me, crowding my right side in an awkward manner that barely lets me even reach the stupid sandwich.

"There. Just eat it."

Then Michael Jackson jumped into my head with the revised classic, "Just eat it. Just eat it. No one wants to be defeated. Just eat it."

Grrrrr!

I drove the remaining 126 miles and contemplated how some things really just don't go together and are probably meant to be separated for good reason.

Genesis 1:4 says, "God saw that the light was good, and he separated it from the darkness."

Funny how mixing ketchup and Special Sauce then reminded me of the verse I was reading earlier in the morning while co-mingling myself with light and darkness.

Psalm 1....which then led me to also read Proverbs 1.

Yikes!

Okay, okay already! 

Ronald McDonald might have thought it was funny, but I did not.

So I apologized.

To God for my disobedience.

And then to Natalie for bawling over my Big Mac.

But I also couldn't let her get off scott free....

So later I told her....

"I truly am sorry.....And I've been thinking about it all day. Since you are so obviously compassionate and concerned about starving children, we're going to eat at Arby's and donate some of your school clothes shopping money to the No Kid Hungry campaign!"

"We'll get a big roast beef sandwich...and extra Horsey-Sauce, minus the ketchup of course....."

How's that for Good Mood Food?

Saying Good Bye to Mayberry

It's been 13 days since I pulled out of Mason with everything I could fit shoved into the back of a discount movers truck.
We snuck out under the cover of darkness at about 3:30 in the morning.
Not because we were trying to pull an undercover op abandon, they just didn't arrive to Move me until late that night.

Better late than never, right?

The same shining stars that drew me like a magnet years before, were the only ones to quietly watch and witness the bittersweet exit.

Since the move, I've been wanting to write but I've been in a strange new place.
Literally and mentally.
I apologize to my four faithful readers.
It's taken some time to process the change of moving back to the big city and leaving so much behind.

Much that needed to be.

For 13 years, that tiny little town was my whole world.
It was my life and my daughter's lives.
A life filled with joy, pain, tears of sorrow and heartbreak and tears of joy.
It was a life with a lot of laughter and best friends like Corinne and Maddie.

It was as close to Mayberry as you can get these days.

A life where there were no stop lights.
No one hurrying to get here or there.
Everyone knows everyone and everything.
If they don't know, they at least probably heard from so and so who heard from so who heard from so and so's second cousin, one county over...

I loved that place!!
I really did.
We sang Christmas songs at Christmas Pageants....and did not adopt the concept of Happy Holidays.

It was a town where I regularly feared I would get carpal tunnel of the wrist from waving "hello" all day.
A place where I didn't have to worry about my kids 'cause if they were causing trouble, I'd hear about it in no time flat.

The Odeon Theatre called me once to tattle on my oldest who snuck out of the movie with a boy in a white pick up truck.
Now that's great customer service!!
Unless you're my daughter of course, in which case it falls into the "Nosy, mind your own business, category."

It was a home to wildflowers just like me, ever changing and growing....wilting in the sun on occasion.
The gorgeous Llano River, sometimes raging....
It was a place for me to grow and learn to go with the flow.

The memories of our years in Mason, flood my mind...now that we've gone.

Though it was rumored we lived in a teepee, we in fact, did not.
But the story about me taking a dead pig to pre-school for Show and Tell is absolutely true.
And hilarious.
What a great story that is!!

And super ironic.
Pigs are a recurring theme in my life.
I collect flying ones.
And then of course, there's "Pig's Big Adventure!"

We were always having adventures.

I taught two daughters to drive on red dirt roads.
Later, straight into ditches.
One daughter stole the communion wine from church and also threw up all over the Sheriff's ostrich boots.
Andy Griffith would not have tolerated such sha-nan-igans.

I learned what "that dog don't hunt" means.
I learned without ever meaning or wanting to, how to incorporate "I'm fixin' to....blah blah blah"....into sentences.
Wow. I never that I'd ever say that phrase.
And I know....never say never.

There are people in that town that I will never, never, ever forget and clients who became life long friends.
Too many to list.
John and Pat Hrdlicka, I adore you!

Mary and Dewey....
Do we even have to say anything other than, thank you Lord!
God provided me the best spiritual parents I could have asked for and you loved me even at my most unloveable moments.

Then, of course, there were those who were mean to me from the git go and never changed one bit.
God bless ya!
You know who are and I pray he blesses your socks off, and may you find a rattle snake in your boots when you step into them tomorrow morning...

:) totally kidding.
I know that out of the heart speaks....but, truly, be super blessed!

There are so many things that I will miss about living the simple, small town life.
No longer is checking my mail at the post office the happy hour highlight of my day.

Now I have a beautiful HEB just a few miles up the road and I can play Food Network now whenever I want!
I now need to hook up with new friends who would actually understand the concept of calling a grocery store beautiful.

There are reading, writing and speaking opportunities opening up for me here already.
Opportunities I've prayed and hoped for, for years.
But it's taken a giant leap of faith to get things rolling along.

Though the actual moving part of moving is never fun...(in fact, after 22 years in real estate, I've learned to steer clear of buyers and sellers on moving day) and now I remember why...
The packing and unpacking and loading and unloading, sort of sucks....

But honestly, the worst part was the sorting.
Deciding what to keep and what to throw away.
There was a lot of stuff I needed to just leave behind.

The kind of baggage you carry.
And the kind that carries you.

I wake up now in a peaceful third floor apartment and thank God for bringing me one step closer to crossing the Jordan without drowning in the many moments I thought I might have over the last few years.

But he's faithful.
Much more so than me.

I made a promise not to smoke after I got here, but Day One, after 36 hours with no sleep, I met the maintenance guy, Mike, at the electronic dumpster and caught him with one in his hand.

"Hey, can I bum one of those from you? Technically, I quit."
"Sure," he smiles and hands me a long, skinny, stick of poison and temporary peace.
"It's chocolate mint," he says.

I laugh out loud!
"Of course it is!! How awesome that God who knows how much I love chocolate would enable me to have one last cig that's chocolate flavored!"

"I will never smoke again I say to myself."

Ugh.
And then I remember.
Never say never.
And in everything, give thanks.
He's not finished with me yet.