I'll Never Be Your Beast of Burden....

Thank God the New Year is here.
I couldn't stand one more minute of 2012.
It's not very uplifting to say, but there were many days in there where I was hoping the Mayans were right.
I woke up greatly disappointed on December 22.

Some days had been so utterly filled with an apparent, never ending feeling of hopelessness that I could barely function enough to perform even minor household duties.

Like the laundry.
Forgive me for unloading, but I had become the mom who would have to rewash the clothes two or three times just to get the sour smell out because I left them in there too long.
And much like the laundry, I'd felt like I'd been on a repeat spin cycle, only to end up... washed up and smelly at the bottom of the tub.

I also have been throwing in a wet towel to get the wrinkles out of clothes I refused to deal with the first time they were done.

I have been asking God to restore me...and help me with my unbelief as Natalie and I continue to live out of our comfort zone, starting all over again in the city where so much is unfamiliar.....and new.

My safety net is gone.

Last year I thought for sure would be a break through year for me. For Us.

2011 was my break down year, so I just assumed, 2012 would be the break through with my children's book coming out and all.

But...It wasn't.

And now I've had enough.
It's time to get over it and move on toward the vision God has given me for our lives whether it looks like I'm making progress or not.

Behold something new...something borrowed...something blue.

Now the new baby and the new year are here and by taking baby steps with God's help, I'm getting off the delicate cycle where I burst out crying like a baby every five minutes for no apparent reason....

Maybe not every five minutes, but I'm pretty sure it's probably more than baby Saydee.

Eyes on Jesus.
Eyes on Jesus.
The plans He has will come to pass.

Right now, I have a 3 week old miracle asleep on a chair and 3 loads of laundry piled on my bed.
Goodnight Moon is in the diaper bag.
I don't think she can even really see yet.
But I'm going to read it to her anyway.

I've had other children's story ideas running through my head lately and maybe because I love rhyming so much, the Llama books keep creeping in.

"Is Your Mama a LLama?" now wait, what is this?
 OK. Probably not..... but her grandma sure is!!!

A llama is a South American Beast of Burden.

They are pack animals, meant for carrying very heavy loads.
And it occurs to me....
I have so been a problem packing, baggage carrying Beast of Burden for way too long.
And the load is too heavy.

This is not the good news gospel I signed up for.
I am taking the laundry basket back to the Cleaners.

My heart's desire is to drop off every dirty, stinking load I have been carrying...
I am trusting Him more and more every day to remove the stains I can't seem to get out no matter how hard I scrub.

It's simply too much to carry anymore.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11.
 
God I need light.

I am done.
In 2013, it would seem, I am dropping the load faster than a backpack after school at the start of summer.
There is a long list of things for me to worry about right now and I simply cannot.
What good is an hour of worrying?

I cannot be anxious for anything, but continuing with thanksgiving for the many blessings I do have.
I must trust that God is who He says He is.
That He will work things out for good.

I am holding on to the promises that he will turn ashes into beauty and restore the years that the locusts have eaten.

Casting my cares on him, cause he cares for me....
I keep hearing the whisper, "I've got this....take a load off Annie"....


and....and....and....
Just put the load right on me.

And dear God, please don't leave me hung out to dry....:)