This is only a Test....B-e-e-e-e-e-e-p!

 

Back in the day, one of the worst things that could happen to a 10 year old was having their television programming interrupted for something like a presidential announcement.

 

Or, even worse, the dreaded emergency broadcast system test.

You remember it, don't you?

 

It was that super high pitched humming noise that caused the cat to run upstairs and made you have to cover your ears for what seemed like an eternity while you waited for Gilligan's Island to come back on.

 

You just wanted it to stop.

 

In 1971, there was a big mistake and the EBS system sent out a wrong message on WOWO.

(You can hear the actual message if you click that link.)

 





This is the teletype message that went over the wires:

MESSAGE AUTHENTICATOR: HATEFULNESS/HATEFULNESS

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY ACTION NOTIFICATION (EAN) DIRECTED BY THE PRESIDENT. NORMAL BROADCASTING WILL CEASE IMMEDIATELY. ALL STATIONS WILL BROADCAST EAN MESSAGE ONE PRECEDED BY THE ATTENTION SIGNAL, PER FCC RULES. ONLY STATIONS HOLDING NDEA MAY STAY ON AIR IN ACCORD WITH THEIR STATE EBS PLAN.

BROADCAST EAN MESSAGE ONE.

MESSAGE AUTHENTICATOR: HATEFULNESS/HATEFULNESS

 

***********

 

Testing stinks and I admit, I don't always send out the right message.

 

My oldest daughter has been studying to take her final real estate exam.

 

And because I am completely inadequate to help her with the math, but still wanted to be a supportive and loving realtor mom, I bought her the ever so helpful PSI Study Guide.

 

She immediately sat down and started circling her answers in the book.....in ink.

Royal blue.

The pen was royal blue!!!!

 

"Why are you marking up the book with ink?" Okay, yes. I may have had a tone here.

"What difference does it make?"

"It was a $35.00 book! Those are test questions. You can't go back and retake them or study because then the answers are all inked up in the book."

 

She has tattoos inked on her back.

I should have known she wouldn't care about a test booklet. :)

 

"It's my book. Who cares?"

"I bought the book so you could study it over and over."

"If you'd shut up and quit being crazy, I could study."

 

PSI in my house means Please Start Insulting me.

And so it began.....

After a few other less than respectful comments, mostly from her, I failed the test of loving the sometimes unloveable.

 

I'm sure I maybe even started it by wanting her to use a pencil and only circle lightly.

I've circled this territory before.

It's never good and it's definitely not light.

 

My blood began to boil and I immediately remembered a recent sermon on tithing and the importance of breaking the neck of the firstborn and offering it to God.

 

Take her. Please.  

 

Resist...resist temptation....resist the devil and he will flee.

But......not before I had a chance to semi-slam two grilled sandwiches down on the counter, making everyone flee.

 

And after they fled, so did I.

Greatly resisting the urge to runaway for good.

 

I'm a grown woman.

I ran away last year.

It didn't work.

 

I keep threatening to move to Mexico where I can really learn my Spanish fluently like I've been wanting to for the last several years.

Last week, I resisted that urge and resolved to just move my living room furniture around.

 

Test, passed.

 

Last night, not so much.

I took an hour long road trip out to the hill country instead.

 

Singing, "Lead me to the Cross," in between my steering wheel rantings.

Funny that I ended up at the gate of the Hughes Ranch on Hwy 87.

It's a massively lit up yellow cross on a hill that can't be missed.

Nice.

 

Another test, failed.

I wanted to spend Sunday with my family. I did not want to be making food at 9 o'clock at night.

I wanted to be loving.

I intended to be loving.

 

Do you know certain people that just know exactly what buttons to push.

It's like they are sent on a mission to push your buttons.

 

We war not against flesh and bloodl....blah, blah, blah...I know.

Please Lord, make my buttons less pushable!

 

When she played the crazy card, 'loving' jumped out the window and the door opened for hatefulness to walk right in.

 

Rid me of myself, I belong to you.

 

"because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:3

 

This has been a test of the emergency broadcasting system.

We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

 

Thank God.

I just want to see Skipper and Mary Ann.