"It's not You, It's Me."

We've all said it.
The little white lie we tell when we don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

I struggle with lying sometimes and after using the phrase, "It's not you, it's me," to a guy once, I realized that he probably knew I was lying.

So, I tried to make it right.
People deserve honesty, do they not?

Heavy sigh.
"Okay, it's not me. It's you."

Yikes.
That sounded much nicer in my head.
And I'm sure it hurt his feelings.

Not that he wasn't a nice guy.
He was.
Not that I'm materialistic.
I'm not.

He just wasn't my guy, and I didn't see the purpose in wasting time pretending.
I don't see myself in a long term, committed relationship with a guy who rides a skateboard to my house and who's backyard looks like the second coming of Sandford and Son. 

I think later, he even changed his ringtone to the theme song.
That's pretty funny.
And on his behalf I will say that he is one of the most amazing and talented carpenters I've ever known.
Aside from Jesus of course.

He's a good looking, nice guy, but strictly friend material.
The last time we hung out he tried to persuade me to go skinny dipping in my pool.
"I am not skinny dipping with you."
"You're too uptight."
"You're too stoned."

Thinking of other nice guy situations where I've used similarly stupid lines, I remember telling my good friend years and years ago,  "I'm sorry. I love you like a brother."

Later I found out from another nice guy that this excuse is like the kiss of death for men.
Lip Smacker anyone?

But it's true, it was and always will be, a brotherly kind of love. 
I've tried to feel more, I just don't.
Who wouldn't love a guy that always said, "It's all about you, Tina. It's all about you."
Thank you!
I know, right? 

It was apparently only "about me" when he went and ratted me out for smoking pot to my pastor.
Who does that?
Oh my gosh!
That ten year old tattle tale maneuver got him kicked out of my Circle of Trust.
Forever.

Yes, I was in a not so good place.
But still.
Who died and made him the accountability police?
Gheeesh!
I just busted him out of rehab!

It was about ME for the love of God!!
Am I right?

Wrong.

Rick Warren assured me with the very first line in The Purpose Driven Life.
It's not about you.
Gulp.
Relax, breathe.

Okay, I get it.
I have many musician friends who are always putting out new CD's, and I admit, I'm sometimes envious.
In fact, tonight, I hope to make it to my friend Chris Taylor's release party for his latest project, "Blue" in San Antonio.

One day years ago, I was driving down I10 and thinking that I'd really like to have my own CD someday. I said out loud, "I wonder what the cover would like?"

Immediately, I heard the "Holy Spirit who Occasionally Likes to Sass Me" say, "Gee. I don't know Tina, maybe a picture of the world.....revolving around you."

Hoooly Spirit Slaaaaaam!!!!
Ouch.
Okay.


Thank you God for pounding down my pride a few notches.
It's not about me.
It's about you.
It's all about YOU!

I'm coming back to the heart of worship.