Thursday, May 31, 2012

Happy Fun Girl: Someone Really Shook My Peaches...For Real!

Happy Fun Girl: Someone Really Shook My Peaches...For Real!: I am blown away! And I don't mean because of the high winds, the tornado warning, weather brought in last night. I mean, seriously blown a...

Someone Really Shook My Peaches...For Real!

I am blown away!
And I don't mean because of the high winds, the tornado warning, weather brought in last night.
I mean, seriously blown away!
Someone really must have wanted to shake my peaches.
Well, not shake them so much, just flat out, stole them. Limbs and all!

Here is my doomsday of discovery, and the way it all went down....
Woke up extremely late and got a bowl of Fruit Loops.
It's national retro cereal week, I love holidays and I've already eaten most of the Peanut Butter Captain Crunch.
Studied briefly Ephesians 4 and forwarded the message to someone who will not appreciate my thoughtfulness.
It's about maturity and oneness.
I usually eat Grape Nuts. And only one bowl.
Listened to One Love, by U2 on Youtube.

But, then I checked Amazon.com and saw that my book, "Pig's Big Adventure", had dropped to like 279,151.
I think I ate another bowl. I don't remember. I cried like a baby.
Real mature.
It's the first week. I won't panic.

FROG!
(I learned that from Tamara Out Loud) a fellow blogger and Jesus lover who occasionally tosses out a word that you're not allowed to say if you want a "G" rating.
I knew at the time, I should have screen shot it when it went to 46,412 on Saturday.
Boo-hoo!
I didn't because of my incredible faith, that, some days is even as big as a watermelon seed!
And I was sure it would go higher than that....

Next, I find that all 21 of my massive bean poles are lying on the ground in a home grown garden huddle.
There are so many vines and so many beans that when the storms hit last night, they came crashing to the ground. OH SNAP!

They broke my 7 adorably crafted bamboo tee pees.
Alright, I'll just say it again.
No.
Contrary to rumors around town, I never actually lived in a tee pee!!
Yes, I did stay in one for the weekend.
Who wouldn't? They're tee pees! How cool is that?
 Did we not all grow up playing cowboys and Indians?
Skipping over the lame peace pipe jokes, that too, is a no.

Yes, I slept in it, with my children, and many other musician families and their children.
No, we were not starting a cult like over in Waco.
No, we were not forming a colony for nudists.
No, we were not burying ammunition and firearms for Y2K.
Yes, there was a large purchase of dry and canned goods made.

And maybe a generator.

Now that we've cleared that up...let me get back to my original rant.
Snap beans.
Actually, the bean poles are not what has caused me to snap today.
It's the peaches!
I can't type fast enough to let out my frustration.
Simply, I must use the already, seriously overused in my vocabulary, but one word which conveys how I'm feeling the best.......

REALLY? REALLY?

Someone apparently decided it would be okay to go into my back yard and CUT OFF limbs from my peach tree that were loaded with fruit!
Yes, that's what I said.
They went into my yard and cut off whole limbs!
Whole LIMBS!
True, I have been busy and some were falling but...
I wasn't even done canning!

Last week or the week before, I wrote about my peach tree needing pruned.
But seriously?
Someone cut them clean away...all the way back to the trunk!
They did not, however, bother to take the DEAD limbs. Or spray the fresh cuts.
They left me with exactly 22 small peaches. Not even enough for a 6 pack of peach rosemary jam.

I don't even like beer and I'm contemplating a 6 pack at this point.
At first, I would suspect my two oldest daughters, but that would require actual work and they were probably too busy pilfering through the closets stealing shirts, shoes and quarters from my change jar.

I'm sorry, did that sound angry?
I meant "borrowing" without permission, probably never to be returned.
"It's not lost, it's in College Station. So and so has it...."
Grrr...
What country is it where they actually cut off your limbs for stealing?

Consider it joy, when you go through trials....blah, blah, blah....
Sorry Lord, I love ya...but please let me finish venting...
Sure, I could do my Beverly Hillbilly best, "I've got joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart...."
But I'm not feeling it right this second.

The only way I am going to feel good about this is if someone who really needed to EAT got them.
But then, why not just take the peaches?
Who would saw off whole limbs of my tree?
In the blog about peaches, I said, "you can have a few...but it's gonna cost you..a limb or two."
It was an analogy for Pete's sake...I didn't say, "It's gonna cost me....or my tree a limb or two!!!

WTFrog!!!

I used to use FROG as an acronym for, Fully Rely On God.

Yeah. Tell that to the frog that's lying dead in the bottom of my pool, dried up and floating on top of  rainwater turned pond scum, because my pool has been empty for a month waiting on an acid wash.

I can't complain, because I'm lame and Ken at Superior Pools is doing it to be kind and generous to a crazy girl.
I used to be on the other end of those kind of deals.
In fact, I much prefer to be on the other end of those deals.

Perhaps someone didn't approve of my obvious lack of pruning skills, and decided to just show me how it's done.
"Ya just cut if off, jerk off! Just...like...that!" I can almost hear them.

Alrighty then. Thank you for allowing me that rant.
I'm done now.
Well sort of...I was in the middle of an online training and my computer crashed on me...AGAIN!
I feel like Alexander in the mixed up horrible, no good, very bad day book.
But, I have the house to myself, one remaining bowl of Fruit Loops and a great instructional read.

I just received Michael Hyatt's new book, "Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World," in the mail today.
Thank God!
A man with a plan.
His book made it to number 4 the first week on Amazon!!
I better be taking notes.
And can I please borrow someone's noisemaker?
I feel a joyful noise coming on. ;)

Monday, May 28, 2012

Happy Fun Girl: The Ugly Truth

Happy Fun Girl: The Ugly Truth: I'm on a new writing deadline right now. It's two weeks away and I can't get anything done except contemplate going on a stinking killing sp...

The Ugly Truth

I'm on a new writing deadline right now. It's two weeks away and I can't get anything done except contemplate going on a stinking killing spree because NOTHING on my computer is working right and it's taking me about 10 seconds to type every character.

Patience is NOT the prettiest fruit in my spiritual fruit bowl.
Either is self-control. That can indeed be a very deadly combination.

Have you ever had that feeling where you want to pick up your PC and throw it through the window?
That's pretty much where I am right now.
And I know it's not pretty.
An unnamed family member threw a mailbox through someone's front window once, with very good reason, I might add...But, this is about my ugly truth and not theirs. :)

I'm working on discretion, as well as patience and self-control.
I have a tendency to want to tell it all....and yes, even throw objects, or people, through the window.
I've been advised repeatedly to keep my mouth shut, "There are some things you just take to your grave."

But I can't. It's just not how I roll.
Several years ago, I was on the 700 Club sharing my tawdry testimony to, I don't even know how many people, much to my family's shame and horror, I'm aware.

I'm sorry for them for having to be embarrassed by my poor decisions and jacked-up-edness, but I can't....
not....tell the stories.
There is no condemnation in Christ. And most of them have amazing endings. Seriously!

I'm forgiven.

I truly believe with all of my heart that I have been through things that may benefit other people in their lives.
847 people called in and committed to Christ after hearing that testimony. Can you imagine?
847 people! I am still floored by that!

Some even went so far as to find me and thank me via email and telephone for my, of all things....bravery.
On this Memorial Day, I am awed by how brave men and women can be.

But, I do understand brokenness.

Most recently, I missed the Women of Faith writing contest deadline and so, I'm now entering another, through Westbow Press for the Munce Group. The final deadline is June 15. And I'm freaking out.

I had intended to have my entry completed by the time Pig's Big Adventure came out, but...that was last Friday. And the garden needs weeded & picked, the peaches are still dropping and rotting & the house is a mess....

The real problem is, I can't get out of my head the editorial standards.
Some days, I barely have standards.

Here is a brief blurb taken from Philipians, on what they require:


"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."


Here is the ugly truth.
I have many things to write about and stories to tell that are not so pure, not so lovely and are certainly not of good report.

And I'm not brave, I'm afraid.
Not so much of what people will say, but that the story is just too gory. Too over-the-top.
I'm afraid it will hinder my reputation, not help it. (and now I'm laughing at how ridiculous that will read to anyone who knows me at all) :P

Lately, I have been deep in the process of reinventing myself as a writer and the woman I want to be. I've been reading and listening A LOT to some really amazing people like Andy Andrews, Michael Hyatt and just today, (in between the computer crashes) Jeff Goins.

Thank God for amazing leaders!
I've been telling my friend Kim during our workouts, that I am ready. "I just need someone to tell me what to do, how to do it, and I'll do it. I need a specific plan on How To Get from Point A to Point B."

Point B being the undisclosed vision that I believe God has given me for my life.
It's undisclosed because it's laughable, and although I consider myself a funny girl, I am not prepared at this moment, while suffering with some seriously nasty PMS, to face more rejection. I'm a big enough cry baby as it is.

Perhaps later, when I'm more prayed up?

But, I read Jeff's blog called, "Why You Should Tell the Ugly Parts of Your Story."
And it encouraged me incredibly!

I want to be an authentic person.
I want to be honest.
This path has not always been pretty. And it has mostly been my own fault.
But...I am absolutely blown away by the work that God has done in me, and the massive amount of perseverance that he has given me to just keep getting up...day after day...and press on.

Just for the record, I would not actually go on a killing spree.
In general, I am the kind of person who frees bugs to the great outdoors when found inside.
Except flies. I hate flies and will unleash on them without reservation. Them, and a certain daughter who infuriates me.
Also, I'm trying to promote a picture book, and killing sprees are probably frowned upon when it comes to marketing for children.

The ugly truth is, I've decided to just write it and pray that the ashes turn into beauty.

'Cause I feel pretty, oh so pretty...I feel pretty and witty and...

And to God be the glory, of my very ugly story.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Happy Fun Girl: Courageous or Cowardly?

Happy Fun Girl: Courageous or Cowardly?: "I don't feel like I started well. I want to finish well." This statement reflects my sentiments as I think about things like courage on t...

Courageous or Cowardly?

"I don't feel like I started well. I want to finish well."

This statement reflects my sentiments as I think about things like courage on this Memorial weekend and the men and women who have bravely served this country to defend our liberties and freedom.

The line comes from the powerful movie, "Courageous."

I think about wars, present and past and the real battles that we fight every day in our country, in our families, and in our minds.

I think about the opposing forces and often look down at my feet to see which side I'm standing on, moment by moment and I realize how cowardly I can be.

Just like the cowardly lion, "You're right, I am a coward! I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself!"

Boo!

He reveals again his personal insecurities in song, "I'm sure I could show my prowess, Be a lion, not a mouse, If I only had the nerve."

Elisabeth Elliot's husband was killed along with 4 other missionaries in Ecuador. She said that her life was controlled by fear. Every time she would start out to minister, she was controlled by fear. Finally one day a friend asked her, "Why don't you do it afraid?"

I heard this story listening to Joyce Meyer and it resonated a lot with me because I have a lot of fears I am dealing with right now.

Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
Fear of finances.
Fear of the unknown.

I've rolled it all around in my head, thinking about fear and thinking about courage.
And I determined that I was going to move forward, and do it afraid.
"Fear Not!" God said, "For I am with you."

I think about it when I'm driving in my car, blaring K-LOVE, listening to Casting Crowns sing,
We were warriors on the front lines, standing unafraid
But now we're watchers on the sidelines, while our families slip away...
Where are you men of courage, you were made for so much more..
Let the pounding of our hearts cry, we will serve the Lord.

There are a lot of folks that gave that movie terrible reviews.
My guess is that's probably because it hit a little too close to home.
We looked at the widescreen and saw how compromising and cowardly we can be.

Great. Now I'm hearing Kenny Rogers singing, "Everyone considered him, the coward of the county..."


For me, I walked out of that movie wanting to do better for myself and my family.
And yes, I honestly wondered, "Where are you men of courage?"
I wondered if I could ever find a man of courage like that, doubted it, and determined to be a little more courageous myself.

And I'm trying. Truly.

I sincerely do want to live without the Fear Factor!

Back in bible times, it says in John, that no one had the courage to speak favorably about Jesus in public, because they were afraid of getting in trouble....

Interesting. I'm kind of a trouble maker. :) Trouble makers unite!! United we stand, divided we fall.

We are told in Philippians to stand together with one spirit and one purpose, fighting together for the faith... and not be intimidated by our enemies.

On the yellow brick road of life, I want to escape victoriously from the wicked witch of the west and the evil flying monkeys!!

Were those things scary or what???

I want to stroll through a field of poison poppies and knock the big brass knocker on the door with boldness.
I don't want to be like the cowardly lion who said, "I'd better wait for you outside."

I really do want to see the great and powerful "Oz."

Because I believe it's true that there is "no place like home."
But this not my home.
And I wouldn't be caught dead in those blinged out ruby slippers!

Lord make us courageous!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Happy Fun Girl: I Really Love Your Peaches!

Happy Fun Girl: I Really Love Your Peaches!: ".....wanna shake your tree."  - Steve Miller Band. "You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden." - God. "You may especially...